10-16-12
People just don't understand my
attitude adjustment. When I got out of the hospital I told everyone I was
starting to journal daily and that the journal was consisting of 5 things daily
to be thankful for plus 1 Bible Scripture that captured me for the day. Trust me
there were many a day it was hard to come up with 1 or even 2 things to be
Thankful for. I was full of anger, resentful, bitterness and a lot of depression
and PTSD that had been repressed and supressed and had slowly started simmering
and trying to surface in my dreams the past few months. Hence the chronic, and
chronic is a mild term here, but persistant insomnia that the high dose of
Ambien was not touching.
So I was journaling
daily and reading scripture daily. I started to dig deep into myself with my
therapist help, and on my own. I started blogging with my migraine support group
and then reaching out with other fellow migrainers and ICI sufferers. I would
vent through my blogs and poems and then I started back up with my meditations
once Ted got me an iPod and got some of my MP3's transferred off my crashed hard
drive through his PC. I did a lot of soul searching and I read of lot of Diana
Lee's postings through SomebodyHealMe.dianalee and all she's had to go through
and what all she had to give up due to chronic daily migraine. And also Teri
Roberts at Migraine.com. More and more as I shared stories and read other
stories I came to realize I am by far not the only one, but 1 in thousands
affected with this debilitating incurable migraine disease. We are all in the
same boat. We are all trying to find ways to cope. A lot of us, not all, but
several have amazing support systems in place, while some of us don't. But we
all have one thing in common-daily incompacitating pain. And we all have 2
choices: we can let it take over our lives and let it rule us and control us; or
we can learn to harness it and learn coping strategies and deal with it and make
it part of our lives and not let it take over and consume us.
So I had chosen NOT to let it take over my
life and consume me anymore. I chose NOT to let it make me a miserable
hag-moaning and groaning and having a daily pity party and saying "oh whoa is
me". Because you know what, when you give into that defeatest attitude it
compounds the pain and it comsumes you. It makes it worse and that is your life.
It encompases you. It's your whole being. It is even more painful and more
intolerable. It defines you.
If you chose to
accept it as who you are, as a part of your life, you accept it because there is
no cure for it, you come to terms with it and your at peace with it. That does
not mean the pain goes away. Oh heck no, it's still there. It's just as painful,
only it's a little deflated. Just a little. But it does not define you and it's
not all consuming. It can still become intolerable, but you have a better
attitude and you can better handle the pain because your in a better frame of
mind. The Biofeedback and Meditation they taught you to use during an attack
will help you to loosen up your ever so tense muscles. It will help your
medication to work a little better in most instances, but not all. But for the
most part what it does is it just gives you a better state of mind to better
cope.
Meditation, progressive relaxation,
binaural beat stimulation, dreamwave music-I try them all when I get the
beginning of a migraine and when I fight one. I play them really low on my MP3.
Too high and it irritates me. A really bad migraine I do that and add ice packs
on the offending side of the head and heat pack on the very sore neck. I can't
use any balms that have scent-I'm super sensative to any kind of scents of any
kind. Massage therapy helps in the beginning stage or after its done-not during
or it makes me sick. And by the way Diana Lee's suggestion the on the Sea Band's
for nausea work like a charm. This last really nasty spell last weekend when the
Baramoter got up to 30.40 last friday 10-14-12 I was down with a really bad one
all weekend. I did not once have to take a Zofran for nausea! Thanks Diana!!
See, this Migraine online community is great!
You don't jump into battle mode when you
hear those less educated in your disease say "you don't look that sick" or "you
don't sound that sick" or "you should take an aspirin and you'll feel better" or
"if you go outside and mow the yard or do something you'll feel better". Instead
you can let it roll off and come back with a humorous remark like "Oh really,
gee, if I really looked and sounded as sick as I feel the undertaker would come
for me and I hear he needs a break" or "gee, I can't take aspirin, so thanks
anyway" or "too cold to mow the yard dear, you do it" or "yep, I do have another
migraine, guess I needed another reset, oh well whatcha gonna do?".
Just roll with the flow, don't be negative,
don't let them get me down, try to stay positive, Don't let them get the best of
me.
I don't know why they don't understand it.
An alien concept to try to focus on the positive, stay away from the
negative-focus on the good and deflect from the bad? You'd think I was the one
that landed from Mars. Oh well, roll with the flow and let them all wallow in
whatever. I will not let it affect me.
Until next time be
safe, happy and healthy everyone. And be true to yourself and listen to what is
right and what works for you. God 1st, family, friends. I have many friends I
found on my online Migraine support group. I have learned so much and will
continue to learn more. We support eachother and gain more insight into this
hideous disease that is so stigmatized. Someday maybe the public will truly
learn what its all about, but online I am no longer alone. We all understand
eachother all too well.
Proverbs
19-20
Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain
wisdom in the future. http://www.julieg350dayinthelifewithmigraines.com/
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