Tuesday, October 16, 2012

They don't get it? Why?

People just don't understand my attitude adjustment. When I got out of the hospital I told everyone I was starting to journal daily and that the journal was consisting of 5 things daily to be thankful for plus 1 Bible Scripture that captured me for the day. Trust me there were many a day it was hard to come up with 1 or even 2 things to be Thankful for. I was full of anger, resentful, bitterness and a lot of depression and PTSD that had been repressed and supressed and had slowly started simmering and trying to surface in my dreams the past few months. Hence the chronic, and chronic is a mild term here, but persistant insomnia that the high dose of Ambien was not touching.

So I was journaling daily and reading scripture daily. I started to dig deep into myself with my therapist help, and on my own. I started blogging with my migraine support group and then reaching out with other fellow migrainers and ICI sufferers. I would vent through my blogs and poems and then I started back up with my meditations once Ted got me an iPod and got some of my MP3's transferred off my crashed hard drive through his PC. I did a lot of soul searching and I read of lot of Diana Lee's postings through SomebodyHealMe.dianalee and all she's had to go through and what all she had to give up due to chronic daily migraine. And also Teri Roberts at More and more as I shared stories and read other stories I came to realize I am by far not the only one, but 1 in thousands affected with this debilitating incurable migraine disease. We are all in the same boat. We are all trying to find ways to cope. A lot of us, not all, but several have amazing support systems in place, while some of us don't. But we all have one thing in common-daily incompacitating pain. And we all have 2 choices: we can let it take over our lives and let it rule us and control us; or we can learn to harness it and learn coping strategies and deal with it and make it part of our lives and not let it take over and consume us.

So I had chosen NOT to let it take over my life and consume me anymore. I chose NOT to let it make me a miserable hag-moaning and groaning and having a daily pity party and saying "oh whoa is me". Because you know what, when you give into that defeatest attitude it compounds the pain and it comsumes you. It makes it worse and that is your life. It encompases you. It's your whole being. It is even more painful and more intolerable. It defines you.

If you chose to accept it as who you are, as a part of your life, you accept it because there is no cure for it, you come to terms with it and your at peace with it. That does not mean the pain goes away. Oh heck no, it's still there. It's just as painful, only it's a little deflated. Just a little. But it does not define you and it's not all consuming. It can still become intolerable, but you have a better attitude and you can better handle the pain because your in a better frame of mind. The Biofeedback and Meditation they taught you to use during an attack will help you to loosen up your ever so tense muscles. It will help your medication to work a little better in most instances, but not all. But for the most part what it does is it just gives you a better state of mind to better cope.

Meditation, progressive relaxation, binaural beat stimulation, dreamwave music-I try them all when I get the beginning of a migraine and when I fight one. I play them really low on my MP3. Too high and it irritates me. A really bad migraine I do that and add ice packs on the offending side of the head and heat pack on the very sore neck. I can't use any balms that have scent-I'm super sensative to any kind of scents of any kind. Massage therapy helps in the beginning stage or after its done-not during or it makes me sick. And by the way Diana Lee's suggestion the on the Sea Band's for nausea work like a charm. This last really nasty spell last weekend when the Baramoter got up to 30.40 last friday 10-14-12 I was down with a really bad one all weekend. I did not once have to take a Zofran for nausea! Thanks Diana!! See, this Migraine online community is great!

You don't jump into battle mode when you hear those less educated in your disease say "you don't look that sick" or "you don't sound that sick" or "you should take an aspirin and you'll feel better" or "if you go outside and mow the yard or do something you'll feel better". Instead you can let it roll off and come back with a humorous remark like "Oh really, gee, if I really looked and sounded as sick as I feel the undertaker would come for me and I hear he needs a break" or "gee, I can't take aspirin, so thanks anyway" or "too cold to mow the yard dear, you do it" or "yep, I do have another migraine, guess I needed another reset, oh well whatcha gonna do?".

Just roll with the flow, don't be negative, don't let them get me down, try to stay positive, Don't let them get the best of me.

I don't know why they don't understand it. An alien concept to try to focus on the positive, stay away from the negative-focus on the good and deflect from the bad? You'd think I was the one that landed from Mars. Oh well, roll with the flow and let them all wallow in whatever. I will not let it affect me.

Until next time be safe, happy and healthy everyone. And be true to yourself and listen to what is right and what works for you. God 1st, family, friends. I have many friends I found on my online Migraine support group. I have learned so much and will continue to learn more. We support eachother and gain more insight into this hideous disease that is so stigmatized. Someday maybe the public will truly learn what its all about, but online I am no longer alone. We all understand eachother all too well.

Proverbs 19-20
Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.

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