There were times when I'd be so mad I'd be spitting fumes about my other so-called better 1/2 (or should I just say my spouse, for his callous lack of emotional support and lack of empathy for my disease, and she would patiently lend me her ear and/or shoulder and let me get it all out. Oftentimes she would come by and offer me an escape route to get me out of this place when I was not up to driving, as is the case when these things strike out of the blue and your not able to drive due to the visual aura and slow reflexes that make you a hazzard on the road.
And at times when I'd get so mad about what this disease is robbing me of-the things I can no longer do that I so desperately what to do and when there was no one around to vent to I'll yell or rant at the surrounding walls in the house, and throw the pillows or beat up the pillows and have arguments with myself. Yes people, I'd argue with myself-I have conversations with myself to, but I don't talk back. At least not yet at this point and time. Sometimes my little doggie would look at me with his adorable little head tilted to one side with an inquisitive look to his face. I'd often imagine him saying to himself "poor mommy has gone bonkers" and at that point I'd stop and then I'd cuddle with him and then cry it out for a while and then I'd go on a carb binge.
Then at the end of the day I'd read a little scripture or go online to find scripture that would help me with strength to help me endure the trials and tribulations for what I'm going through because this is a long hard battle and it's far from being over. I've been fighting this disease for 20-25 years and the past 2 1/2 have been the worse ever. So I have a ways to go yet and I have resigned myself to that fact. I love the fact there is so much support online especially when it is so hard to get it at home because when you feel like your losing your mind you can check in with others and know that no, your not losing it, it's just the disease.
And this is the best way I've been able to vent about my migraine disease and my comorbidites. I am thinking about getting one of those inflatable punching bags, but not one that has a clown on it because those smiling clown faces kind of freak me out. I don't think I'd be able to even look at it, LOL.
If you punch your pillows, make sure they are not stuffed with feathers-too messy if they explode :)
My best friend of 30 years and her new husband-Married on 9-29-12. Congratulations to the Newlyweds.