Thursday, October 25, 2012

Trying to do the best that I can

It's something actually, how satisfying it is to reach out to others and to try to help them. Well, actually you hope your helping them by giving them advice by telling them of what helped you hoping it may help them. You can offer it as a suggestion.

Then when your done and your off the phone, or you get offline then you start the self-doubt and self-recriminations. I often say to myself "you dummy, you were so weak or foolish that helped you but that person you handed advice to is probably stronger or smarter than you". Or I tell myself "why hand out advice if they don't specifically ask you for it". Or the all time winner "you idiot, there you go-not one but BOTH feet in that big ole mouth of yours".

I guess I need to work more on the self confidence or just shut up and mind my own flipping business! But sometimes it's so hard for me to do when you see/hear people hurting because I've always had this nurturing part of me that always wants to help people and I just haven't learned how to turn that switch off!

I guess it's due in part to this internal mechanism that I always want to get along with people; I always want people to like me; I always want to like people; I always want people to be happy and get along; and I always want to get along with everyone. I draw the line at being a people pleaser and a brown-noser. That was always evident at my former places of employment. I saw brown-nosing galore and it made me nauseated and disgusted. I would never stoop to that level. I guess that is why I was always targeted by the she-wolves of the Miss-Popularity Clique for their perverted entertainment. More prevalent at my last place of employment where my former boss who had the mentality of a baboon gave them free reign. Well, he no longer is employed there, even though he is married to and bangs the owners daughter. I know, crude talk. Sorry. But apparently he saw through time that his son-in-law didn't have the brains to manage a banana cart let alone a million dollar business that has been family owned and run since 1974 that he was no doubt running into the ground by getting rid of older and better trained employees by putting on tons of stress by letting the young'ens have free reign regardless of the cost.

But on wards. I promised not to let my bitterness take over. Actually, they did me a favor. I'm no longer in that cesspool of corruption and backstabbing. That place was full of poison, stress and tension. Probably no doubt the catalyst to the progression of my disease. I no longer have to deal with that negativity and poison and for that I am eternally grateful. It is so much more peaceful at home. I do not have to worry about calling off and providing a doctors excuse. At work I believe I was the only one required to provide a doctors excuse. Everyone else could come and go as they pleased and call in with no problem. Oh well. I no longer have to worry about that or worry about them. They are the loser's because I am not there, I am not the looser. So there.

The Barometer is changing yet again. Indian Summer is here. Almost in the upper 70's the past 2 days and the next 5 days it will be in the 40's for the highs. All I can do is just follow my med plan, take care of myself as best as possible and be as positive as possible. Take each day as it comes and not worry about tomorrow, don't dwell on the past.

Until next time be happy, be safe and stay well.

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