Wow, I'm looking at the calendar and it's so hard to believe that Thanksgiving is just two weeks away! That just floors me! Amazing that at the time when I was experiencing it, time was creeping by slowly. But now as I look at the calendar it seems now that time flew by me so fast that I have nothing to show for it.
Well, in a way maybe I do. I have come to grips with the fact and realization that there will never be a cure for migraine disease. So I have learned to embrace this disease, learn from it, grow from it, and ride out the storms when it brings me to my knees and not let it control me completely. By controlling me completely, I mean by letting go of the anger, frustration, disgust and all those negative feelings about this disease I had been harboring for years. When I would let those feelings take me over and control me every time I had an attack.
I have also learned, slowly in baby steps (and still a work in process) to let go of the frustration and anger to those who surround me who don't understand and don't get it w/those often-times ignorant and most times hurtful things they say. I am sometimes successful, not always, at deflecting and redirecting those comments and letting them roll off my back like water flows off the back of a duck.
I am working at it and when my head cooperates with me I try to work on my retorts and zingers and hope I can remember them when my head isn't cooperating. Sometimes though when I'm in pain I don't remember them too clearly. I just might have to sit down and write myself out some cue cards, LOL. Or do like Obama does and invest in a TelePrompter, but then again I'd need someone to work it for me unless I can get a steal on one that has a remote. Or I need someone to hide in the closet like that character that would whisper to this other dude romantic words to woo this woman he was trying to win, the guy with the big nose-only in my case I need someone to whisper to me come back lines. What was that characters name. It was made into a comedy with Steve Martin and that blond woman that played a mermaid with Tom Hanks in another movie. Now my mind is REALLY wandering. It was a classical character until that movie came out, of course. But that would be a hoot.
But my latest retort, which seems sorta lame (might need more work so feedback needed here): hubby comes home, I'm laying in bed and he comes to the bedroom doorway and turns on the overhead lights (by the way it's right over the bed and has 4 of those 60 watt lights of which 3 I keep unscrewing, he keeps re-screwing, I undo, he redoes-so on and so forth) he breathes a heavy sigh to make sure I hear him, raises his eyebrows to give me a stern look and says "Are you in bed!" gee, what an intelligent question-how should I answer that-say no, I'm washing the car? but to which I reply instead "gee no dear, actually I'm practicing at having a migraine-I figure the past 26 years I haven't gotten it quite right yet and I need to work on it a little more, you know. Practice makes perfect-so be a good lad and turn the light off on your way out. I was just getting to the good part, you know, where it was time to worship the porcelain throne. I hear that's where I need more practice. Unless you want to stay and I can use your shoes instead??"
Well, maybe that's more sarcasm than a zinger. But sometimes to some people that is all they can listen to. Maybe one day though I can reward him with a shoe full. It's appalling and gross on one hand but kind of funny on another hand. Maybe he'd get it then? Nah. I doubt it.
But my sick, warped and sometimes perverted sense of humor is what gets me through this at times. And my brand of humor can get really out of hand if I let it. But there are times I just can't stop it. Once I let it go I can't pull it back or put a reign on it. But I don't get mean and vindictive on it. There is no name calling or slurs. I don't push it that far. I don't do mean. I may get mean but I don't do mean in return. So since I have no magical supernatural powers to make certain people experience what I go through so they can understand it 1st hand, I can zing them from time to time and then let their snide and hurtful comments roll off my back and like some of my fellow sufferers have said I can imagine things in my mind, not verbalize them, but imagine things about them...................... Hmmm. Interesting thoughts running through my mind, even though it is a little raw from pain it never stops it from thinking and working.
So I can be surrounded by some pretty negative people, especially around the holidays. I deflect those negative feelings now by thinking of some crazy off the wall things-no don't act on them, that will just land me in jail-I won't elaborate. I use to work with some pretty mean, nasty lowlife back stabbing pond scum, well enough adjectives. Not worth the breath or the space to type and not worth the time to think of them anymore. Push out and push away the negative. Think of the positive. Think of quirky and zany comebacks that don't land you in a heap of trouble, but enough to make them take a step back and make them take a double-take so they know better the next time. Well, hopefully, if they have any grey matter to learn with. And for some reason I think of that crazy song that drove me nuts and I never did like and I still don't like "don't worry be happy". Don't sing that song, PLEASE! Just pay attention to the 1st part of the song-don't worry. Just don't let them get the better of you. Don't let the disease get the better of you. It's not worth it. Trying to stay focused and keep positive is a full time job. But it's worth it in the long run. Mind over matter is worth it because in a small way, in the beginning, it does work. The more you work at it who knows, the more it may work. Its not a cure but it's not a failure either.
So get cracking at it. Be kinder to yourself. Be your best friend. Love yourself. Look out for yourself. Be on guard for yourself. Be a zinger for yourself. Be your best caregiver for yourself. Stand up for yourself. When you can be the best you can be then you can be the best for others. And when your there for yourself and others it's a win-win. What are you waiting for? If you don't do it no one else will. And if your one of the rare lucky few that has someone that is looking out for you then hold on tight and don't let go and be sure you return the favor-realize just how lucky you are!
Until next time be happy, healthy, safe, secure and be good to yourself. Put God 1st above all and he will look out for you.
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